matsiko godwin muhwezi: 2016

Kenya

If as they say, the country's economy is run by a few families with roots in the forefathers who through the likes of MAU MAU grabbed the the spoils of a fleeing queen, where does that leave the rest of the wanainchi? Who owns, the universities, the airports, the food industries and transport business? Vision 2020 may well be underway but we may have entrenched the dominance of dynasty if the likes of Bush, Clinton and a host of other senators in the US are to go by. What is more exciting, Obama visiting or Lupita winning? ICC failed to witch hunt or prosecute whichever way you look at it but the blood of those fallen cries out and maybe the loss lies where it falls. Is the Turkana a forgotten brother or is the Somali border the banished sister? In Karen and Gigiri we microwave our burgers as Kibera stares pitifully. Where the lot and loot is determined by stereotypes of tribe and origin, who should answer for the taxes of the masses.

The show must go on

Tanzania

It is a Magufuli all affair and we may as well pack up and go to roost. steady democracy they say and the West is happy but who makes the rules. Is it fine that we use a language which might not get us beyond the confines of our borders or even makes us abandon our native languages and cultures? Who will save us from the roots of Mao Tse Tung and these Communist clutches? We are the polite (not slow) neighbours who happen to be the well behaved brother. The albino craze and the island mysticism might very well upstage Diamond Platinum's act. Who owns that Tanzanite, and why can't my ambitions tip the Kilmanjaro ranges?

The show must go on.

Burundi

The thing is, our story is too long but breaking it down for you might not do justice either. You call us the poorest country but it might be because you do not understand us. We have fought our way to this mountain and we are not sure why you bind us to pieces of paper with fine print. Brothers fight and that only make them stronger. You are judging too much but maybe when we have better internet you will see that we are not as oppressed as you might think.

But the show must go on.

DRC

The big fat brother with more money that he has use for. We probably have ten countries in one and twice as many governments. What matters is whether you are in Kinshasa or Kisangani. God forbid you find yourself in Ituri. we are the kings of lingala RIP Papa Wemba, we have the gold and mention it. Lumumba turns where he lies and Mobutu wonders why riches could not buy him immortality but it is Kabila's baby we have so let us enjoy that if we can.

The show must go on

Rwanda

The land of a thousand hills and a million possibilities. We may soon export snow but certainly you will not fault us for not trying. Have you read those self made something something? Yes that is us. Be advised that the walls on this page have ears and the arm of the king is never too short. It was 1959 and 1994 but we have the Belgians to blame. This is not a Hollywood blonde affair, we are pretty faces with a strong, very strong will. Denial is not an option but we rather let bygones be bygones and from the inside looking out...Never again

But the show must go on.

South Sudan

We were excited to cut the oil pipe umbilical but perhaps spent far too long resting on our laurels. The dust will soon settle but our uncles and parents are yet to agree on who takes over the estate because there was never a clear will. It has become a machine gun preacher crusade and we still tower the skies and dwarf the hoops. Melanin is not all there is so you cannot trust the uptown jealous big brother to say nice things about us.

The show must go on.

Uganda

Undoubtedly the comedy capital of the world, right here everything sells. We epitomize the forgive and forget adage. Today it is Aine, tomorrow it is Tubonge, the next it is save Carol, then Cancer machine, then Nyanzi, then Lokodo, then....depends on what social media decides is important for the day. Gripped in the war heroes Roman empire, as Roman Reigns would say, you are unfortunate not to know someone who knows someone who knows someone who was in Luwero in 1986. Might I add that if you feel like not paying taxes, just become an MP because then you can make the rules and forbid heavens that you eat a small toad. Run in battles, black Monday blues and house arrests we may probably have the most active Police force there is. If you touch the leopard's something something, you better have a very high high tree to climb because unless you have an affidavit, the leopard does not have a something something even if everyone can see the something something, you need proof that there was ever a something something. With potholes in Kololo and Bwaise alike, what actually happens in Kaberamaido (random thought, I cannot trace any more districts on the map before I get the day's paper because chances are one more might have been created). Who actually paid the price for everyone being on VPN for a week? We might never know. The hustle capital of Africa is right here where the party never sleeps.