Masked by Queen Bee

Risk is everything, but you tell me this. Why would you build an anthill in my compound?, why would you carry your wasp nest to my roof? “a beg”(I beg, in Nigerian style); keep off my pad. In fact if you have some grey matter somewhere above your neck, just steer clear of my animal (sic). After all when I was busy killing “my animal” you were somewhere in the States having sausage and omelets.

Bees work hard, and they do all they can to keep their hives spick and span; all they can to make sure it is well supplied and that the main woman is in perfect serenity. Just across the yard, you will also find an anthill with a rather rough exterior but that is just because you as all humans are; are blind to the intricacies of alien architecture. You lazy homo sapiens insist on using machines to build something as simple as a road. Inside this anthill, you will realize that nothing is as haphazard as you imagined it to be. Rain or shine we do not worry about food because guess what? We don’t waste our summers at Lido beach basking away only to be surprised when the wintry winds beckon. By then we will have stored ourselves some kikomando to buy us some mortality antidote.

Laziness is possibly not much of a choice. Some would say, you need to work smart but I tell you aint nothing harder to do. In our hive, we have only one queen and that is clearly as should be. So all that we drones do, is donate a few proteins for the main event but that’s just about it. You probably know a bit of that from your balaalo friends with their saying that, “There can only be one bull in a Kraal”. It is the order of nature, nurture or something along those lines. In this world, you had better not try to be clever because that will be to no good. We are wired to show you the exit once your wit protrudes your scalp like a petticoat beyond a skirt. (I doubt ladies still do this combination but I clearly know less better). You have your work cut out for you pretty much like we know who eats the chalk and who actually drinks the coke in your world (teachers v OPM). I tell you, it is unlikely the same person.

There is that department whose duty is to make sure that we do not have unwanted sojourners. These workers sting, bite (literally) and poison (sometimes with piripiri in your eyes); anything to make sure the crown is in perfect order. I tell you, honey is good, but as long as we are alive, you stick your hand in our house at the risk of having it return to you as a sausage. Smoke us off if you want, or perhaps dress like Chameleon on his Badilisha show, but otherwise we are not giving you what you have not earned.

We heard that Denzel was jettisoned from the BB house, but all the bees in Ug and SA rallied behind him because you know what?, he gave us a NAKED impression of what entertainment was. Ingenuous x rated avatars and nevertheless  Africa thought otherwise so we let our tails bow to gravity like a humiliated “man’s best friend”. Seriously, Ug could have used the 300k dollars to finance some serious surplus budgets and we the bees in SA thought this was one good way of giving aid to a poor friend who sometime back inspired us to fight HIV. I hear even LK4 is on the chopping block this week but you can count on us to come up with a human rights related reason to vote your boy.

Ya, we do have a Parliament of sorts, and ya, miniskirts do rank high on our agenda. Did you say, cars and I-pads? Of course, even though I can’t use a tablet, my Mukono voters would love to see me with one. Yes we do actually also have teenage MPS, and oh my rebels are all over, but our Kadaga is not as powerful so it is not an issue.

We are actually considering increasing the salaries of those wig adorning bees, because in case we need to have an election, they need sufficient facilitation to dispense justice without undue regard to technicalities and believe me you that sort of work is more tedious than working in a Mulago theater.

Anyway, so you asked what we do if the Queen feels like retiring; for starters, that is hardly an option, and being the loyalists that we have become, the only option we have is in case we get a princess, we just fly her to Kalangala and build another hive. Kinda like looking for your own animal in the forest. Otherwise, if you are in this hive, you have one code; you are a eunuch, because you know what? You have been MASKED BY QUEEN BEE!