Dear Moyes,
Reference is made to your outstanding tenure at the Trafford that is older than the Queen and we hereby address you as follows:
When you inherit a team like Man U, there are lots of things you are bound to grapple with. Not the most entertaining philosophy but effective neither-ways. One stand out player like Beckham, Ronaldo, Van Parsie ( in no particular order) who always seem to make the difference from the nonchalant machinery that you field day in day out. The fixtures of the generations in the likes of Giggs, Ferdinand et al. Yes Ferguson educated the same breed and ground out silverware upon another.
You on the other hand have been a mid-life crisis second fiddle to the top tier in your field. Just make top four occasionally, sell your best players and start all over again. Whether it is lack of ambition or opportunity, all that we have to write home about is your predictability at being average; consistently by the way. Yes consistence does work, and it helps that you are Irish, keeping the tradition happens to rank that high in this particular part of town; maybe not so with the noisy neighbours. Hopefully you will have your own version of the hair drier, have a constant supply of chewing gum and whatever it takes to please the old guard haw-kingly staring at you from the VIP box as you burn at the stakes.
On the other hand if you take on the Uganda Cranes, you are home and dry baby. We are used to the Maths, the near death qualifications...just almost is always good enough. Besides no one really watches the matches, we do not even know the difference between Tonny Mawejje and what's that kid's name? never mind but you get the point. We do not really care, but just make sure you cut in the FUFA boys on whatever deals you chance; because then my friend, perhaps only then do you have a job. You are an expat. so you earn in dollars or pounds whichever you prefer.
We have one stadium by the way, so you need to be careful while training because we need to preserve the grass for the real games and Straka's wedding. Amama Mbabazi might also have a conference coming up. Do not worry about the transfer window, we will not require you bring in Gareth Bale even if he is injured; I doubt we can even afford his haircut besides he might ask for ac' while on pitch. You will also need to learn some Luganda because our team is one of natural selection, you will not need to worry about a mukiga fighting for a slot. Even those dark boys have learnt the language as part of the resume.
Lastly Mr. Moyes, hope you do not mind tap water and mosquitoes (pronounced moskwitos) when we need a camp session. Whatever you do, make sure you do not allow a match at Nakivubo especially against Rwanda. Try to secure a draw at Namboole, that is more rewarding than qualifying because you will have preserved our home record. Give the boys 20k for boda boda after training; yes posho and beans is fine, they are not as sophisticated as they are talented.
TORs will be furnished as soon as you tender in your acceptance.
Hope to hear from you.
Yours faithfully,
$TOH
No comments:
Post a Comment