2016 Presidential race?, Twerking the way to go!

 Miley Cyrus oba Hannah Montana might not rue the incarnation she has undergone but suffice to say that not everyone would approve. Regardless; she and many a wanna be belles have bided their waking moments in enduring dizzy brows cementing the latest dance trends. Gone are the days of having to jerk one's joints in all sorts of rapid shapes to create break dancing illusions in a bid to be entertaining. These days there is always more for the price of less. A debauchee son of Adam having a liberated rear exploring the anterior in meticulously choreographed pirouettes, gyres and whirligigs . Enough said but I still surmise that talent is not the linch pin here. At last it is no longer necessary to be gifted to get noticed. Cut yourself some perv slack and you might twerk your way to stardom.

Like a politician twists propaganda and a lawyer has his way with obsolete colloquial lingua is how you survive on any dance floor, and I mean any. If you have an EALA job as a law making expert, you are a celebrity therefore use your status to squeeze some old men in Mukono to get them refund your money in a deal gone bad without wasting time in Court. (Mrs Ziwa hello!) You are too busy for Court crap and using Police is less dear than seeking justice.Given the corruption  statistics, one is sometimes at a loss on where the responsibility lies. Too bad Besigye always finds himself on the wrong side of the political fence but this is the country of the famous martyrs. A few remnants come in handy if just to preserve the legacy. (Janan Luwun R.I.P say Amen! To the rest of you, Just twerk you will do just fine. Political matyrdom or jilt to stardom is just one of those twerksome concepts. YOu hardly know whether it is a sacrifice or a long shot.

Yes we want another rap, or do we? I'll let you be the judge of that but believe me you, Rabadaba stunts will not sway that many people any more. YK Museveni is a renown one hit wonder in the hip-hop world though we still await his début album or even an official Mp'enkoni video. At least unlike fellow one hit wonders and legalised music pirates, the man with a hat managed to make some copyright headway. Too bad the Grammy Awards this year were also unfair and did not recognise his contribution. Blame it on racism perhaps BET will come round soon enough. A few nuggets for the big man ,going forward, get yourself a Kim Kardashian. Kloe is now single since Lamar left but not sure the surrogate issues are off the table. In our case a few reality show celebrities would do. If Zari is on the market, Sevo you have yourself a deal.Otherwise Judith Heard, Byad black am not sure but just any  babe that gets the cameras rolling. By the way, I doubt you would want to sing that unpopular Bahati Bill any time soon but it will count on both faces of the copper. Whether it is the donor money, the voter outcry or the middle-class hotheads; it is still up for grabs who butters that bread. It is a twerk contest all over again.

If you wanna pitch against the old man I have an audition for you too. Carry a descend photo-shopped head-shot, employ a rejuvenated journalist to preach your gospel on a couple of popular fora. A few things in that line but make sure you can twerk. Just wondering if Mr. Amama has any lyrical prowess up his sleeve but again it is a twerking season so the former won't be necessary.

  With graduations going around in all sorts of paper pushing disciplines, the concern of where all these self acclaimed witty heads will fit in an economy largely dependent on the hoe and cattle grazing lingers still. Not that they will keep books on big farms like you would say in some parts of the continent. Interesting that even someone studying agriculture has in mind a job with NARO or NAADS. One that involves writing endless plagiarised concepts on breeds and species. Not much to do with actually increasing any produce of some sort. Good thing it will not matter any more , just get those damn books, jettison the paper trail and take some twerking lessons.

It is about short cuts. It is about not having to do much. It is about energy conservation. It is about psychology. Be busy without necessarily doing much but just be busy neither ways. You do not have to get it all out, just pick yourself some mint, chew on it as sassy as you can,barn.

Uganda Cranes offers David Moyes a job!!!

 Dear Moyes,

Reference is made to your outstanding tenure at the Trafford that is older than the Queen and we hereby address you as follows:

When you inherit a team like Man U, there are lots of things you are bound to grapple with. Not the most entertaining philosophy but effective neither-ways. One stand out player like Beckham, Ronaldo, Van Parsie ( in no particular order) who always seem to make the difference from the nonchalant machinery that you field day in day out. The fixtures of the generations in the likes of Giggs, Ferdinand et al. Yes Ferguson educated the same breed and ground out silverware upon another.

You on the other hand have been a mid-life crisis second fiddle to the top tier in your field. Just make top four occasionally, sell your best players and start all over again. Whether it is lack of ambition or opportunity, all that we have to write home about is your predictability at being average; consistently by the way. Yes consistence does work, and it helps that you are Irish, keeping the tradition happens to rank that high in this particular part of town; maybe not so with the noisy neighbours. Hopefully you will have your own version of the hair drier, have a constant supply of chewing gum and whatever it takes to please the old guard haw-kingly staring at you from the VIP box as you burn at the stakes.

On the other hand if you take on the Uganda Cranes,  you are home and dry baby. We are used to the Maths, the near death qualifications...just almost is always good enough. Besides no one really watches the matches, we do not even know the difference between Tonny Mawejje and what's that kid's name? never mind but you get the point. We do not really care, but just make sure you cut in the FUFA boys on whatever deals you chance; because then my friend, perhaps only then do you have a job. You are an expat. so you earn in dollars or pounds whichever you prefer.

 

 We have one stadium by the way, so you need to be careful while training because we need to preserve the grass for the real games and Straka's wedding. Amama Mbabazi might also have a conference coming up. Do not worry about the transfer window, we will not require you bring in Gareth Bale even if he is injured; I doubt we can even afford his haircut besides he might ask for ac' while on pitch. You will also need to learn some Luganda because our team is one of natural selection, you will not need to worry about a mukiga fighting for a slot. Even those dark boys have learnt the language as part of the resume.

Lastly Mr. Moyes, hope you do not mind tap water and mosquitoes (pronounced moskwitos) when we need a camp session. Whatever you do, make sure you do not allow a match at Nakivubo especially against Rwanda. Try to secure a draw at Namboole, that is more rewarding than qualifying because you will have preserved our home record. Give the boys 20k for boda boda after training; yes posho and beans is fine, they are not as sophisticated as they are talented. 

TORs will be furnished as soon as you tender in your acceptance.

Hope to hear from you.

Yours faithfully,

$TOH

Aamito n Yunus flying the country flag, phat boy, SYL.

Uncommon as it is not, we seem never to learn our lessons on giving credit where it is due. Like I personally have prejudices against Andrew Mwenda patronising us on NTV every night with one sided rants about political theories and predictions. Not to say that I disagree with the bulk of what he says or that I am even ready to try that CHOGM right now. Just saying. After all, I am not an expert at Amama Mbabazism, NRM X  and the M7 brand, by the time we went to school, those courses had been scrapped off the curriculum. That is beef for another day riyally.

Ba what am saying is banange, those pips who just be hating on others for nara. I am glad a friend already did a good job of putting those microphone boys in their place, but if just for emphasis, tusimenga banange!!

Kati yes you might be clueless about modelling v beauty pageants, hanging clothes on chiseled bodies, how Alek Wek makes her dime without  silk on her scalp. You might not even have kind words for Naomi Campbell, house help beating aside....When someone comes from your backyard, goes for Africa's next top model and wins, just pretend like you give a damn or atleast oba shut ups? 

You have to give it up for the guts of Aamito. In a trade that ideally lives in the minds of every high school girl glued on E! and Style. How it plays out off the screen is not as amusing. With stories of model agencies just using girls as escorts for their rich bazungu clients or rather using the business as a scapegoat for G. merchandise (refer to earlier correspondence for meaning). Maybe some have earned themselves visas, green cards, lifetime pensions, limping music and TV careers, so be it.

You cannot take away from Aamito the battery she put into all this to beat the daylights out of critics, wanna bes and genuine contenders to the 150m. Atleast the dime part we all click yaa?! The Aamito I met at Uganda Christian University? yes, that towering dark painted babe who used to sing in Nguvu along the Jeffs and Rwangyezis. That very one. So here we stand, pick your trade, if you can beat CR7 to the Ballon Dor goodluck but it was another smiles day for our national flag. What Aamito eventually does in NY is up for grabs but a mark has been made and we can live with that. As in Babe has 150ma cash, beat that then we can talk.

ION, let's keep tabs on our Yunus boy as he cuts his teeth in CHAN. Who knows?

*TOH