WORLD CUP MATCHES IN AFRICA ARE PAID FOR WITH YELLOW MANICURED PIGLETS!

So African leaders are rich enough to do their countries a favour. Mr. X liberates country Y from the worst political cum economic history (apparently) and after 25 + years of doing the dirty work of rebuilding the nation (presumably) this is the state of affairs.

 

1. It is still important that a resolution be passed to ensure that Mr. X faces no competition from his household in forthcoming elections. It is still important that Mr. X falls out with his closest ally if just to make sure that there remains one bull in the kraal.

The worst though, for soccer lovers could have been the no guarantee on D day that the crucial matches would be broadcast on National TV reason being that the TV station which enjoys gigantic acreage in the heart of the city and gleans from the coffers of the tax payers could not afford the cost. Okay, it perhaps could be that Kabakumba Matsiko still has the crucial mast required or other undiscovered help yourselves but world cup is world cup. As usual though, Moses does not always dwell too far from the chosen people, so just in the heat of the moment a Mr. X came from Median and cleared the bill. (Now even the sports fans have his attention).

 

Wow! or yikes? It helps to have a president who is richer than his country. Then you are sure you will watch world cup and he can afford the exorbitant fees of running ads between sections of the game. No, these are not ads about tourism or transport, unity, national ids and the like. Not by any scintilla of expectation. They are ads about how "we" appreciate the work done and how we  pledge to keep the support brimming; thanks to the benevolence of paying for our world cup. Uganda cannot afford to screen the world cup, but the President can, how cool is that?!

 

No we are not bothered that the budget does not care to balance the income imbalance. That the betting, drinking and smoking can go on lax, but mobile money, paraffin (kerosene for some), food stuffs and the likes of basic needs have to be milked. He who does not have, even the little will be siphoned away. The dust has not settled and you need a quick buck off parliament for the budget advance because certainly some things are too urgent to be properly accounted for. And of course, you are preaching house hold incomes and you are sure what agriculturalists cannot handle about  NAADS, retired army officers will. You told them to read sciences, they read agriculture but guess what?, they will have no jobs in NAADS because that is a retirement benefit reserve of the cadres!! How sustainable!

 

Obama can keep his money, if his price is moral then we shall plead the fifth. That though is in the  hope that the Kyankwanzi resolution will be rational with the resources that we have. Those with Swiss accounts always go out un singed yet they are the policy makers. Why do I whine on, is it not an African proverb that when the elephants fight it is always the grass to suffer?

 

Ghandi did it, that Singapore man did it, Mandela did it, Obama did it.... (did what? ) Obama really? in that nation transformation thread? He is black we get it, but what has he done to be equaled to Ghandi again?? (anyone?) (Okay the wife has a bring back our girls TV ad, but we haven't seen a rain of drones the Iraq of Libya type yet.) (Why is Kagame not in the ad?)

 

Anyway the bla bla did it ad is on Super Sport somewhere. Of course Nigeria is richer than Uganda (is not Spain)  so it is obvious that Good luck Jonathan can afford an ad of his prowess there on. The blubbery is not in less flattering terms unfortunately.

 

Thank you our dear Presidents. While you continue to think you are doing us favours by doing your national duty, there are nice looking M piglets paraded at parliament, making statements here and there. They do not represent all of our views because some of us do not care to have any, but they should remind you that we seek to contribute to your manifesto. What we have we give, we know you like yellow, so we package it as such. We may not afford Ipads and luxury cars but we have piglets from NAADs.

 

 Please accept the token of appreciation.

 

@matsikogodwin

$TOH

 

 

 

 

Brazil 2014, Africa maybe up to a false start but Ellen De Generes is the worst loser so far

"After USA's 30 second goal, it took me a while longer to find Ghana on the map", Ellen Degeneres a reknown comedienne, TV host, author and gay activist tweeted.

 

Had Ghana won the match, we would have forgiven Ellen's insensitivity but on a night where Nigeria did not score and USA stole three points off our Black stars; No we cannot.

 

I hope the Iranians will help us get our girls back since we did not score against them. They should talk to their Muslim brothers and do the needful, otherwise we Nigerians will ask for a rematch, let them not forget that we are African champions. We were just lenient. With the likes of Obi Mikel, we have some bus tires to  park too so be careful.

 

While we lobby for a world cup for strictly Africa, China, India and the rest of those cricketers and karate kids, we need affirmative action in Brazil. That special ref from Japan should be preserved for matches against African countries, and SWATT, CIA, and FBI should be deployed to investigate Germany and Van Gaal. Van Gaal might be planning on renewing Howard Webb's contract at Man U so he might sneak him into a fixture in Brazilia.

 

Grapevine has it that when Iker Casillas was crawling on the ground, Jose Mourinho, boxers pulled to his chest and stockings completing the wanton look, was jumping on his bed blowing the neighborhood with a rendition of, "Who's laughing now?!.That the song did not stop since pensioner Eto o hasn't scored yet. 

 

The golden age in Ivory Coast is evening out already and the shining Ghanian youth who won that world cup are yet to show up. Algeria and its Magreb counterparts always almost just sign into world cups. Is it safe to say that soccer is not our mother land?!. Good news though, the ever hyped England is still keeping their place in the average docket, besides we are yet to be hauled like Spain read (is not Uganda) or the Ballon D'or CR7

 

Chinua Achebe once warned that a white man may complain about his weather but he does not expect you to join in. So dear Ellen, leave the issues of the generals to the generals and let us worry about our obscurity without reminding us about it. If the US had been that immortal, they would have rescued Flight 370 from aliens already but I guess we should wait for a Russian intervention.

 

Madiba RIP once said,

 

“During my lifetime I have dedicated myself to this struggle of the African people. I have fought against white domination, and I have fought against black domination. I have cherished the ideal of a democratic and free society in which all persons live together in harmony and with equal opportunities. It is an ideal which I hope to live for and to achieve. But if needs be, it is an ideal for which I am prepared to die.”   .

 

You do not want sexist jokes, we are happy to oblige.

We do not like racist jokes, at least try.

 

Don't forget that Mzee Kuteesa is now in charge of UNGA.

 

ELLEN WE HAVE KEPT YOU!!

$TOH

 

twitter

@matsikogodwin

 

 

Before we send Hon. Sam Kuteesa to the UN, he must promise Etofaali for the Wanainchi!

         

So he has got the money, he is reigning minister for foreign affairs; how convenient. He has served in the echelons of regimes through torrential times, height of pacifism and a mixture of them. He is a father in law to the first family and boy, does he have the backing!

The modern African society with legal regimes like ours breeds a class of untouchables. Not entirely for bad reason but enough to keep the rumour mills busy and the money mints on their toes. There is no telling when an accurate verdict catches more flak that blatant hate speech. Yet, neither the scheme of trivializing one’s legitimacy nor an approach predicated upon more trophy hunting can by any inch dissipate the enormity of the stakes that lie with certain responsibilities.

So what if he has for decades kept millions of dollars on some Swiss account? He might as well be a diligent attorney and farmer extremely disloyal to vain indulgence to grow his piggy bank. Would we rather have a harried gold digger with a sordid financial history well poised at hitting a jack pot? This may be interesting to a point but we are at a loss on who the judge of reputation in Banana Republics like our own should be.

So what if he was named in an oil scam? No one could prove it anyway. No one will even go as far as arguing that the system is too rusty at the core that the rigs need more than oiling and the cogs more than grating. It is the way it works, prove it or forever hold your peace. While the futility of our legal machinery, underpaid police personnel and suspect judicial system go about the routine hunt and peck, the verdict always lies with a particular harebrained invisible hand and we know it.

There is a more maddening bit about the pettiness. Sometimes we do not feel credible enough to poke holes into lofty humpty dumpty until he comes tumbling down the wall. One moment we are having a Historical senior citizen picking personal vendettas with a hitherto unknown one Theodore Ssekikubo, the other we are fronting him as our best candidate for a UN job. Clearly one could be the other’s son so it cannot be about a girl, not one they would share in some sort of erotic appeal. Yet again, our duty is to watch while our tuff is trodden on and hope that we end up with the successful camp because then perhaps our nonchalance will earn us a measure of unbridled admiration. (read, nobody gives a…….).

We can forgive that crap by Obama’s boys about gay rights and stuff. For one, Kuteesa is not the only one who made that law, a law is a law, and a system is collectively in a way responsible for churning out one. Either all countries with Anti Gay laws should not be allowed in the UN and then where will the discrimination lie?, or some dissident or fugitive of sorts might be the only legitimate ambassador for such positions. Yet again will that be a representative of the country? On the contrary, we could send Otunnu, he is yet unmarried, good with words and he could very well be the wild card for such a challenge. Just saying.

My beef though is, we vote for the President, Mayor, MPs, not in droves and neither am I even indulging the rigging statistics and democracy demographics, but who voted Kuteesa to represent us in UN? Did you? Perhaps you would but did you?  He never stood for a national position so there is no telling whether Ugandans let alone Africans would as a collective clue tip him for their voice, but how do these things work? So was it likely that someone like Nobert Mao or Kizza Besigye or better still Seya would have the same opportunity?

Anyway, we do not care in the very least, a Ugandan is a Ugandan, after all it has really helped that Obama a Kenyan is President of the US. Just someone you can relate to however remotely because that puts food on your table. As they would have it, we do not yet have consensus of ideology so it is just for a few enlightened ones to blaze the trail. Enlightened democracy of the elite is the more familiar given our monarchical inclinations.

We are known for our bad boys, so it is unlikely that we will have a Miria Matembe or Nsaba Buturo pecked up for such assignments but if that be it, I suggest we send ones we can of subtlety guarantee will represent our mores or lack of them. We all saw, well not all, but we all know what Gaetano did on BBA once upon a time, some loathed it, others celebrated it; but he came back home a hero, a Ugandan boy. He jammed the airport and perhaps he could be the only person to pitch up against the etofaali master, Mr. Katikiro. Or we send the 88 year old Mzee who walked from Bushenyi to Namugongo, since clearly it is an old timers thing?

Kuteesa has proved he can fill the Koffi Annan shoes, ask Sekikuubo, but even if he has not, he is at least professionally qualified so that should do. Naye people like Katikiro would have build twenty thousand masiro from one year in the UN, guaranteed. Naye these loaded Rwakitura boys?,……

$TOH

@matsikogodwin