BEAUTY PROBLEMS EPISODE 26

“What did he want?’ Maggie asked drying her hair with a mini towel with a green kanga wrapper hugging her body, bust downwards.

“It wasn’t him, some other guy, mbu Muna has been arrested” Rita said

“So why would they call me, mscheew” drying hair while bending on one side as if to droop some water from the ear. “am I like his emergency contact or wot?”

“You should know, now you are even asking me, since you were the last person he called, maybe…”

‘Maybe what?, ate nawe otandise, if he has been arrested can’t they call his parents or friends…me? , as who? “

“Owaye tombogorera, why am I even having this conversation” Rita rose up from the bed and headed to her side, “Anyway, the guy said they would pick you up for some questioning”

Maggie had curled up a bun into the towel to one side, she paused and looked at Rita, hair equally silent inside the towel. Rita shrugged and walked out of the room.

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BEAUTY PROBLEMS EPISODE 25

“Who was that?” Goldie asked

“Who…err on phone, no one well...” his wife stammered

“Don’t play dumb with me, I know when you are hiding something. Who was that on phone, was it your boyfriend?” he advanced toward her with just briefs and a towel around his neck

“You are still drunk, it was nothing…and anyway none of your business” she put the phone on the table and rolled a plait playfully around her pointing finger as if to ignore him

“ Don’t dare call me drunk. Woman” He scooped the phone off the table and scrolled to previous calls “Muna, oba” he read“ Who is Muna?”

“First of all Goldie, how dare you check my phone?” She stood up and went behind the chair which she now held onto with both hands.

“You are my wife, I can check anything I want, and do not forget I am the one who bought this phone, in case you have forgotten, I buy everything in this house to your very tiniest bit of cloth”

“So what? can’t I have privacy, do I ever check your phone?”

“Hahahaha, don’t humour me, I am the man here, that is how it works”

The phone rang again this time in Goldie’s hands

Hey both stared at it, Goldie like a frying kilo of pork to a hungry pensioner ready to pounce. To the wife, it was like a forbidden animal riding up the mosque stairs.

Same concept but different problems. It is a beauty thing

Madam was shaking uncontrollably with visible perspiration on her brow.

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BEAUTY PROBLEMS EPISODE 24

Rita let the phone ring for a while then lifted it from the floor where it had fallen after excessive vibration. “It is even Muna” she said to herself.

She went to the bathroom and called out “Maggie, Muna is calling off the chain, you might wanna find out what he wants”

“Muna my foot, what does he want?” came a voice from one of the cubicles.

“I didn’t pick of course, how then am I supposed to know what he wants”

“Bambi help me, just pick and tell him not to waste my time”

“Why don’t you tell him yourself”

“Bambi oso you, just pick and tell him to back off, he has been trying to vibe me but you know he is not my type, he is damn broke and plus a classmate, like seriously”

“That is yo crap, why does he still call then, maybe you led him on or something”

“Just pick and tell him I am not interested in talking to him, and hung up”

Rita hesitated then picked then scrolled to receive. She headed back to the room to avoid the noise of splashing water.

“Hello?” Rita said

“Hello Maggie” an unfamiliar voice spoke, “ Are you his girlfriend or sister?’

“Hell no, I am Rita, Maggie’s roommate and none of us is Muna’s anything. Just classmates, if he has lost his phone, just bring it to campus and give it to the guards”

“Well, this was one of the numbers he last called, and unfortunately he has been arrested for something very bad”

“Arrested?... anyway, he probably was discussing classwork with Maggie so there is no reason for you to call her “

“We will need to speak to Maggie later, you know just a few questions, nothing to worry about, we will pick her up shortly”

“Okay I will tell her, but I do not think she would know anything, you are barking up the wrong tree”
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BEAUTY PROBLEMS EPISODE 23

“I came in to clean, then he told me to close the door, then he pounced on me and pulled my blouse, he said he would kill me if I screamed, wululu, yamawe” she screamed even louder

“Calm down, we are here now” The guard said

“She is lying, comeon, do I look like I can even touch an ugly myopic cleaner?’Muna pleaded

The guard rested a flat boot in Muna’s lower spine. “Ouch…”Muna shrieked as a ton of overcharged current spiraled to his neck, “I’ll sue you idiot, so you have a warrant and don’t you know I have rights”
“Shut up that stupid mouth or I’ll put my boot inside it” the guard rolled Muna’s hands behind him and ushered him out of the room.

“At least let me get my shirt and trousers” Muna lamented

“You should have thought of that before you advanced on the poor girl”

Moments later, the guard returned to the room and picked up the phone, clothes and wallet.
“Hello, is this Mrs. Golde” the guard said, “your son..”

“which son?”, “ I do not know what you are talking about” she retorted

“ I thought you were his mom, because he..”

“Well you though wrong and please do not call my number again”

“We will still need to ask you a few questions so we will call you later?”

“ I told you I have no idea what you are calling me about and please don’t waste my time again”

‪#‎To‬ be continued
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BEAUTY PROBLEMS EPISODE 22

He heard a key turn in the door. Seated on the edge of the bed, he stared and waited. The knob turned and then a floor-polishing machine was wheeled in as a young lady in an apron followed behind as the door steadily opened to allow the new company.

“Sorry sir, didn’t know there was someone, can I come back later?” she asked

“Come back later, why did you come in the first place, which school did you go to?, of course none but which filthy parents bore you who can’t teach you manners? do you just enter people’s rooms without knocking?”

“I am sorry sir but it is 11:00 already and check out is 10:00...I thought...”

“You thought what? Does that shell handing over there have any thinking capacity? Nonsense…check out my foot (he picked up the bill and waved it at her) have you ever touched 600,000 in your life or has anyone in your clan? hmmn..” he advanced toward her naked but for the briefs. She stepped to the side

“Am I buying a cow? Three hours and you are telling me check out when I have paid my money?”

“But sir…..”

“Don’t ‘but’ me…omanyir’ani gwe?”

“wulululu…wululu…” she shouted and curled in the corner removing her apron and unbuttoning her blouse, “he is raping me….wulululu”

‪#‎To‬ be continued
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BEAUTY PROBLEMS EPISODE 21

“Mrs. Goldie speaking, who am I talking to?”

“ Muna here, ah..er, was confirming…”

“So you saved the number?”

“Well you left it on the bill so...”

“Did I? phoows, I guess I did, ya so it is I indeed” She scatched her upper lip and frowned almost smiled
“Yes ma’am, ah well thank you for last night it wa…” he let his tongue rub in and out the left corner of his mouth.

“Come on young man, don’t mention it, but don’t get to used to it, I am a married woman you know” She bit her lip and walked to the bedroom door, tried the knob and realized it was still locked.
“Of course I understand”

“Er...and one more thing, you do not call me ever again, I call you or not, that’s the way it works”
“But I am the guy, Umm you know…” he returned the steam that he imagined to be thrust at him through the receiver. He liked a good sauna experience, not this kind though.

“Not in this arrangement you are my side chick, did you look at the Bill? Of course you did, hope you didn’t just look at my number and not the figures at the bottom?, do you ever hold that kind of money?”

“Maybe…bur...”

“So you should put your head to as good a use as your …u know” she attempted to sound seductive in a coarse way. An old carrot stick tool women used to emasculate a fella with a huge grin on his face as if to say, “go on baby!”

(Hang up dial tone) She had heard or thought she did, some movement and so swiped the call out.
Muna stared at the phone in disbelief. “Stupid b***s” he muttered

“How dare she called me a side what, mscheew”

(Never mind I’ll find someone like you…nananana) Adele piped on another ballad.

Muna sat for a time with nothing in particular going on in his head. Just a pair of eyes looking at nothing and ears that just let the music go through one side and come out the other.

Sometimes, the beauty of art and other aesthetics was wasted on an audience that appreciated no more than a cow did a chunk of well-roasted steak.

‪#‎Let‬ the drama begin (katandika butandisi)
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BEAUTY PROBLEMS EPISODE 20

He picked up the phone and glanced at the caller id. “Maggie”, he let it ring. “What does she want?, coursework assignments are done” he let it ring for a while then picked it up again.

“What?” he sneered

“Eh, maama, nga yo rude. Hi Muna?” Maggie greeted

“I am okay, you?”

“I am fine thank you for asking”

“Well?”

“Straight to the point ...huh okay, anyway I just called to say, you know…like I have been missing you, just to catch up n stuff”

“Don’t stuff me one bit? and listen carefully Maggie, do not complicate things for yourself; you just come to my place, I help you with class work, we happen and that’s it.”

“Yaa I know, but daint mean we can’t talk, does it?”

“Talk what? shoes, make up, Kardashian, Caitylin manya Bruce Jenner crap? What? Do you watch soccer, do you know any player of the (Y)Juventus line up?”

Silence
“I thought not, don’t waste ma ****time ****, see you next sem, same drill otherwise you do not know me, and…” (Hung up dial tone)

“B****” he threw the phone on the bed and fell backwards on the pillow with his hands clasped at the back of his head.

“We could have had it all, rollin’ in the deep….nananana..” Adele pitched through the small speakers hanging to one corner.

# To be continued
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BEAUTY PROBLEMS EPISODE 19

Muna rubbed his eyes and scanned the surroundings. Not much save for the massive bed on which he had moments ago lay curled between two white pillows with a matching silk-white sheet undulating between his legs. Very unlike his modest hostel room, he could tell. Scenes from the previous night flashed though his mind incoherently.

He raised his head to a humpty thumping of base drums doing freestyle in his head. He dumped back on to the pillow before jerking more resolutely and standing onto the bed. He realized his feet were not the only anatomy at attention so he roughed up the beddings before noticing his briefs lying on the bathroom door. He just picked up a thick cream towel and rolled it around himself before sitting at the edge of the bed.

He picked a hotel bill from the table. and read the logo (Collin Hotel Mukono). He skimmed through the breakdown of costs and rushed to the total UGX 655,000! “Cleared”, read the stamp with an initialed signature and small case nomenclature; as bad as Mayweather's save for the missing duck. “Probably the manager's”,

He shrugged and turned the paper, “0772….Mrs. Goldie”, it read. Married? Ah, she had told him but he had said if it was okay with her, it was with him too. She had told him not to be overly attached but she was the one who had left the number. That was not something to donate some valuable thought to at the moment. He just left a mental sticky note.

He folded the paper and put in his wallet. Two notes of 5K each were all he saw in his brown leather (It was Chines made so it could me anything, maybe from hide "Maybe that is also called leather") Another mental sticky note, this one he coloured brown and let the previous one stay blue.

He thought about the 650K and deflated a bit. The pounding was even louder and more creative in his head so he headed to the coffee maker. “If only I had stuck to my water, but then I might not have ended up here” He felt guilty for not feeling guilty enough about his circumstances.

# To be continued
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BEAUTY PROBLEMS EPISODE 18

He tossed and turned, threw the covers away and lay looking at the ceiling unashamed if ever the room could frown on his nakedness. For moments on end, he stared blankly at the chandelier as the tipsy film of whisky cascaded into his veins reducing the mist and crimson in his eyes.

He could hear his wife talking and chuckling on phone but he knew not whom it was that made her extremely juiced up in such frail marital circumstances. “Perhaps, one of her random boyfriends” he thought but not with a ring of concern. Where did she find such boldness to start cheating in his house? “Me Goldie!” he mumbled with painful effort. 

His inebriated mind scampered through his daily hustle of moneymaking and cost cutting with an overarching theme of knight in shining armor laboring for his Cinderella. He had a mind to spit but his surroundings restrained the impulse. “How ungrateful could she be?” a macho voice shivered through his spine deflating the blood flow in his groin. His chest sank into a deeper hollow he had never before known to exist.

A sudden rush and his bladder pleaded for attention. Goldie walked giddily to the bathroom, circled the bathtub with a spray of crescent flow all the while staring at the cistern and smiling at his wanton liberty.

He scampered back to the room and sprawled face down on the woolen carpet in his birth suit.

‪#‎To‬ be continued
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BEAUTY PROBLEMS EPISODE 17

She pulled the phone from the matching purse and pressed the power button. Thirty-five missed calls from her husband, she swiped to Norah’s number and dialed.

“Hey babe, home already” Norah asked.

“Kale bi guy bimanyira, can you imagine I greeted him and he jam?” Mrs. Goldie placed the iPhone hands free on the table and busied about with her hair.

“What did he say?” Norah asked

“Hmm, babe, anti I greeted him, ‘Hi darling, honey’ you know, in my ka romantic voice”

“I know you, you can give them guys jelly knees with that voice of yours” Norah, chuckled and led her friend on.

“Okitegera? So nga, he’s all there drinking whisky, nga his ga eyes are all oba how? lol”

“He was drunk again; did he ask where you had been?”

“Yaa, anti you wait I tell you, so he asks where I was, I tell him I was out..nga doesn’t he all fume and lock himself in the bedroom?”

“Kale that’s so lame, as if a Mummy’s boy..mbu now he has sulked or what?”

“ Me Norah, I tell you…Goldie is just amusing, he wants to go around and do all he wants, and me I stay home and cook food he won’t eat, wash his clothes…you know, at least if he could buy takeaway and bring , we eat”

“ I know duh, imagine your pretty nails peeling matooke and that foundation and mascara in smoke, kale he should style up, he should just increase your salary and chill, stop asking stupid questions. You are the babe, you can do the heck what you want, if he wants you he has to keep begging. Yo even doing that brat a favour”

“Anyway, thanks for the advice, now I do not have to rot in this kyi house and grow fat like a houzie. Naye Nora that ka Muna boy….”

“Babe, hubby might hear you, (shh), anyway campus guys are cool and cheap , no stress”

“Hubby my foot, I bet Goldie is snoring like a snout by now, like I care…kasita now I know how to take care of my needs, he can snore till Lukwago becomes President”

“Babe be careful, you are married you know, so you have to be like extra sharp”

“Raax (relax), I gat this”

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BEAUTY PROBLEMS EPISODE 16

“Hi honey”, she said as she unstrapped the red heels and folded the draping spring collection Dolce and Gabbana couture.

“Do not honey me, where are you coming from”, Goldie asked as he cast a pair of bloodshot cornea at his wife. She proceeded to the bedroom bending sideways to remove a pair of matching ear rings.

“Gimme a break, where have I been indeed, when did it matter when any of us was away? Like you even care”, she threw the shoes on the fur carpet next to the master bed and returned to the living room. Goldie was now staring blankly at the motion pictures dancing on the screen, on the glass concave table lay a half-full glass of whisky on the rocks that were thawing steadily.

“Well, since you ask, I have been out with the girls and unlike you, I cared to come home sober and collected. Looks like for distillation chambers like you, sobriety is more truncated than chivalry or perhaps they rank pari passu”.

“Woman, don’t dare speak to me like that, not in my house worst of all. My patience may not be as elastic as your virile generosity. I will not have such nonsense in this house. I work my *** off, pay every **** bill on top of feeding you and you cannot even sit still and wait for me?” He jostled up and slammed into the bedroom locking his wife out of it.

“You amuse me Goldie, My bad that I could not anticipate the hollowness of that beautiful face of yours when I was fooled and drunk with emotion. Go ahead; lock me out, do I ever ask where you have been? Oh, no wait, of course I am a rug to wait at the door for my master and never ask why the shoes stepping on my lovely hair are always dirty. I am young you should know. If you thought, pant wearing creatures were extinct, shock on you…we’ll see who has the last laugh”, she chuckled as if to rehearse a victory lap!


# To be continued
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BEAUTY PROBLEMS Episode 15

“Tequila please”, Mrs. Goldie pushed a fifty thousand shilling note to the waiter

“Hello”, Muna said

“Hey”, she said “ Is that mineral water?”, he nodded, “ no way”

“Yes way”, he was surprised that she was this forthcoming. He had been told that beautiful ladies at the club put off a sort of air for strangers. The stereotype had not dissuaded him from trying but he thought it would take him a lot more effort to even get as much as a “hi” back. A “Hey” was well off the top shelf. “Tequila I can see”, he said as the lady got her drink.

“May I?” she said as she adjusted the high stool next to him pushing the tripod towards his Adidas flops

“Yaa..yaa, sure”, he lent a hand, not too close but he could smell the momentary assault of Calvin Klein toilette.

“Ya Tequila, it is, what’s with you and the tee-totaling?”,

“Just want to think about a few things, need a cool head for that sometimes, I am Muna by the way, and are you gorgeous or what?” she rubbed the bridge of her nose

“Thanks, I am Goldie”,

“Goldie?, nice name”, she sipped and rubbed her glass nonchalantly. He continued, “My first time out here, do you grace this place often?”

“Not really, been a while actually, It’s cold aint it?”

“The AC’s to sharp here I guess”, he said looking at the Carrier set up on the wall above them. She followed his gaze in a way that seemed to suggest that she had a different theory about the source of the temperature.

‪#‎To‬ be continued

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Beauty Problems episode 14

“You can’t possibly be talking about the same guy?”, interjected Nora

“Are you saying that I do not know my own husband,… are you?”, asked Mrs. Goldie

“Of course not but, he can’t be that cruel, call you barren and all that stuff? It just makes me cringe. He looks like a responsible man to me”

“You reach a point and realize that all men are the same, you leave your career, goals and for what?,
watering plants and dusting sofas? all men are just…., I am actually seriously contemplating on leaving him”,

“Come on, don’t be so hasty, there’s a lot at stake, (she thought for a moment) you said he gives you an allowance?”,

“Yes, about seven hundred k a month, some change here and there, why?”

“Anti, you know how jobs be (sic). You need to at least first get him to put like one house in your name, then you pull the plug”

“No Nora, we may have our differences but I am not a b***h, I can make my own money”

“You are playing in things, madam, besides that fool’s gotta pay for trashing a sweet darling like you. By the way, you are still hot and all but don’t that forget you are off the shelf at least in the marital field. If you can’t make him jealous by hooking up or kale, just lil flirting some younger dude he won’t respect you”,

“Nora, you are over reactive, that I knew, but now your imagination is too wild. No wonder you are still grassing, who would marry you with that attitude?”

“You see, marriage is ….(hesitates) not for losers kale but, not the thing for me right now. A kyi guy controlling me and mbu wash, cook…bla bla bla, (thumb and pointing finger adjusts the fake pearl necklace) with these my cute nails?, ebu let him buy a washing machine or something; why did you rush anyway?”

“If it is for judging me, I am not interested in telling you my stories. Anyway you never keep a guy for more than one night so what would you know”,

“Calm down babe, just get a kid and if he thinks it is his, you are in business. Whether you want dime of yo kyi proud hunk, your choice. But a kid my friend, that is a woman’s proposal ring!”

“You would know, right?”,

“Just saying”

‪#‎to‬ be continued
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