As one from the great district of Rukungiri, I stand saddened by the loss of a gallant son of our hills and great example to many. Like every other Ugandan, I have had to do a crash course on your bio-not that Basim'ogenze was a great song but you know how these things be (sic).
I note with sadness that you were quite a package and in these hard times, a country cannot have too many of such distinguished gentlemen to spare. Not many institutions can ably churn out your qualifications coupled with the experience and level head you carried.
So I set out, like most Ugandans, to find out exactly what may have hastened you home. It is no crime to work too hard, Usain Bolt would agree and Kiprotich could revise; so that was not going to convince me. Cardio pulmonary whatever sounds smart but who is going to believe it? Thing is, for us who are not medically sophisticated, it does not register that something can arrest someone all of a sudden without days of pleading or something traditional at play. That would be too cruel to any soul even worse for a beautiful one like yours.
It is that time of the month, year, campaign season where we can use every kindling to harness the embers of our straw clutching political careers. Pedigree too, is not spared a baking on the altar of cheap popularity. Speeches have been written, wrongly dated releases have been transcribed and conspiracy after conspiracy theory has been advanced. At this rate we could easily develop a course on the subject.
Mayombo, Kazini, yourself sir? Is there a way this could be related, connected even? Everything is, these days; Amama, Sejjusa, your appointments or lack thereof; it is the dollar rate perhaps. Or wait a minute, were you in anyway aware of Illuminati? sorry, that is too debased to even deserve attention in the same breath as yourself sir.
So after sending pathologists and anthropologists to Dubai, via Kartoum on the way to Korea and perhaps Germany; after they had taken enough selfies and munched some pizza in nice hotels paid by Kiseka market tax payers, after they had combed their long forgotten medical terminology and dusted their passports-those who had them, the experts from Katakwi found something spectacular.
This is not news to you but as a broken record would sound, allow me to read you the final verdict of the Coroner's Inquest. "You, General (pause, clears throat) have died of death and all of us should take a chill pill and let the bereaved mourn their beloved".
We owe you that much.
R.I.P General Aronda Nyakairima
$TOH
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