It is just survival, surprise me.
Been thinking about lots of things lately, well let me not be arrogant I
might not have been thinking as much ( I have blonde genes). So much is always
spoken about elephants in the room and how everyone knows it's there but no one
really wants to talk about it. Of brewing opposition, tear gas, horse water,
chilli sauce for eye soup and pink paint/water or something like that. Of
zealous opposition leaders who do daily shopping in Nairobi and own cribs and
malls but still care enough to know what the wanainchi go through (oba?)
Of rebel/prodigal sons/legislators, speakers ; of errant media and
army officials at the echelons of democracy ( I'm not sure though that that is
an accurate description of contemporary leadership but when has my opinion ever
counted?)
Anyhow, of presumed dead or dying entertainers, drug trafficking (/scape
goat) artistes hiding behind single hits that they did not pen themselves (We
all know who writes all the songs, it is either Kyagulanyi or Nince
Henry). Of songs about rats (with amorous innuendos and triple en-tenders
)and remixed nursery rhymes. Of Jamaican accents brewed up somewhere in Kivulu
or something like that; don't forget Nigerian songs made in Uganda (kudos to
Prof. Patience Izuako, Emeka Ike, Jackie Appiah and group). Of fashion
shows just doing an adulterated version of Amani and Phat Farm reverse
engineered from a green shop somewhere in down town.
Of not so light skinned ladies on the street with babies (who never seem
to grow older) stretching out their hands for UNCLE!!( I also don't know where
the fathers are and I hope it is not Nakasero or Workers house!), beggars with
mobile phones, hardworking teachers living on air for three months (or are they
now five), of good and Bad Blue's ((or Black) since it is about colour
nomenclature)showing wazungu pensioners wassup. Of Straka music
shows and MTV base copycats on every screen; of splash weddings (Abagole ba
week) being a more desirable Sunday plot than church). Honestly why would I
care how much money Prince Wamen( Wassaja), spent on his wedding? Or
Zari (am not sure of her status because it changes as often as her cars
for me to keep up with). Don't ask me about her feuds with Heard but I can give
you a reference if you ask!
I will save you my bucket list of what is wrong or right with our
society. I will jump on whichever bandwagon suits my big break. Of course
I am also waiting for mine, aren't you? It is sheer survival and you know it.
Why else would I sing about a chicken disease hitting at another artiste if I
had a million ideas and tunes playing in my studio. ( Of course if I don't use Paddy
Man, Jah Live and Bashir for everything)? Why would I allow to
be beaten by two Hungarians in a row? I am actually a Golola disciple except am
still working on impregnating a woman with just my eye b***s)
I am probably bored enough to leave my business empire just to show M7
how I don't approve of his long stay in power. Honestly I don't need to have a
vision or whatever you call it for me to stand for presidency. The thing is,
once I reach Entebbe or Okello house ( I hope Rwakitura and Kisozi will also be
available) I will figure out what to do. It is not rocket science, all I need
is a Bachelors degree and a few cows!!
I can just get a few sponsors and push on with Simon Cowell and Randy
Jackson's X factor, American (Ugandan) idol, UBDC (American Best Dance Crew),
do a Sakata, a Project Fame of some drink, be a tough judge like Ian, sweet
Juliana and be cool like that. Throw in a Mario Lopez wanna be and we will be
just fine. On the higher end of the incline, why not do a complete version of
Donald Trump's apprentice?
I am the one holding the sharp end of the stick but oh yes I can
translate Klint de Drunk's jokes ( I won't try Chris Rock coz that Luzungu
nedda) and be a household name, host a talkshow like Oprah and Tyra Banks; (
don't forget her Next Top model) Bizzu say Amen. (no offense I am actually one
of her genuine fans!)
Ok, this is a bit touchy but believe me I can actually get Creflo Dollar's
accent; (all I have to do is say Gad)......swiftly moving on, I can write an
inspirational book; Just edit the Rich Dad series (what that means is that I
put in some broken English and include words like Matooke and bodaboda).
Why waste five years (or more these days (possibly)) trying to be a
successful lawyer, Engineer (unless I can get enough Njawulo off cement and
iron bars), a doctor (unless I can go outside countries or export medicines). I
could have perhaps worked in KCCA but ....mungambile ku Jenny!!!
Enough of the intro....
I am just a Ugandan and you are welcome to this Banana Republic.
I
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